Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Good Riddance

Nothing but nothing says "Humble servant of the Lord" like a life-sized painting of yourself. On the wall. In your office.

Nancy from Pams House Blend envisions this scenario for Falwell when -- and if -- he makes it to heaven. (Personally, i have my doubts.)
When he arrives for his admission interview with God, and finds that Godself has decided to appear as a black woman.

Falwell: Where's God?

God: Here - and everywhere else.

F: I don't see God.

God: That's YOUR problem. You've got to lighten up a little and appreciate the afterlife - you screwed up down below, biggest pain in the posterior for a whole lot of people. So chill and open your eyes. Don't blame me if you get an ulcer in the afterlife.

F: I don't appreciate joking about this very serious matter!
Now take me straight to The Old Man, NOW!

God: Oh, all right.

(God escorts Falwell to elevator, pushes button gets out with Falwell.)

God: Here's The Old Man. (gesturing toward seated impressive-looking old man with white beard)

F: FINALLY! (stalks off in a huff, towards T.O.M. At the same time, God turns and starts walking toward the elevator)

God (shouting over Her shoulder to T.O.M.): Thanks, Nick! See ya later!
Moreover, according to Nancy, "Falwell was his own worst enemy while alive. He missed out on meeting a lot of good people and going to a lot of good parties, and for what? The joy of pursing his lips and tsk-tsking at the world. Jesus hung out with all sorts of characters, and even provided the booze once, but Falwell only wished to dine with "the elect". Too bad for him."

And for the rest of us too.

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